Kim Jong Un Giggles With Glee Over New Longrange Nuclear Missile Capable of Striking Your Hometown USA

By Torsten Pursche

As North Korean citizens continue experiencing critical food shortages to the point of “food thieves” being shot and killed by guards watching over farms, Kim Jong Un has a plan. Screw the weak starving masses, his puffy little beady eyes are directed at building the world’s strongest military. The kind that won’t require using his skeletal malnourished foot soldiers who would most likely all defect at the tiniest of opportunities anyway.

To compensate for his short rolly-polly stature, Kim likes guns. Big ones. As we’ve all witnessed in pics, he gets all giggly and points at them while his generals mimic his antics in place of being fired and properly disposed of.

Always in the market for something new and destructive, if Kim can get his hands on the gun he’s salivating over at the moment the little thug will own himself a nuclear missile capable of paying a visit to the U.S. mainland.

Kim’s purpose is in developing enough might to deal with the endless barrage of U.S. hostility he claims never lets up. As he looked over the latest array of available toys, he said in a rare speech given at a recent weapons exhibition in Seoul, South Korea, that his new and improved military will be “invincible.” 

Perhaps as a clever ploy to plant his distrust of Washington in the minds of South Korea’s government, Kim assured them that whatever he acquires will not be used against them. He said the days of Koreans fighting Koreans should remain in the past and not be influenced by a foreign power with only its own best interest in mind.

The Korean Central News Agency reported that Kim said, “The U.S. has frequently signaled it’s not hostile to our state, but there is no action-based evidence to make us believe that that they are not hostile. The U.S. is continuing to create tensions in the region with its wrong judgments and actions.”

Kim accused the U.S. of being the “source” behind the instability between the North and the South. He said the “invincible military capability” he’s seeking is only to make the U.S. think twice before ever challenging the North again. He wants to put them in their proper place.

Military expert and teacher at Hannam University in South Korea, Yang Wook, said, “Basically, North Korea wants to send this message: ‘We’ll continue to develop new weapons and arm ourselves with nuclear force, so don’t slap sanctions with these as we can’t agree on the double standards.”

U.S. and South Korean intelligence agents hung out at the gala of all gala’s to keep their watchful eyes on Kim and his entourage, but they’re not talking to the media for all too obvious reasons.

As is late Kim Jong Un’s game of toying with other nations has intensified. Each highly calculated move sends a different type of signal than the last until all that remains is a jumbled mess. It makes his belly shake like a bowl full of Jello as his ever-present shadows pretend-chuckle along with him.

Kim took a full six months off from firing rockets into the sea. He was either saving up to buy some new ones or he was playing cat and mouse. Our guess is the latter.

Once North Korea gains the capability of settling scores without having to rely on its disposable hordes of soldiers to help out, they’ll be of no further use to Kim Jong Un. Neither will the starving peasants begging for crumbs.

Instead of fortifying his country from within through instilling pride in the people of his country, as great and successful leaders do and have always done, Kim’s going to destroy his country from within by kicking his most important resource to the curb. The people who live there.

But at least the teeny-weeny guy will have a big gun. The only problem for the U.S. is when, not if this comes to fruition, Kim Jong Un will have nothing left to lose. You only get one shot at dying so Kim may as well make his a good one and at least go out with a smile on his face…